Foreign au pairs will now be able to live with their American families for up to two years — up from one year — in a significant program change announced recently by the U.S. Department of State. “The benefit to both the family and au pair is great,” said Cindy Garruba, a local community counselor for Stamford, Connecticut-based Au Pair in America, which has 23 au pairs placed in towns from Smithtown to the east end. “[Because] the kids will have consistent child care.”

But why do people choose to use an au pair — who may not speak English, who is a virtual stranger but comes to live in your house and who until recently had to leave after a year?

For Gene O’Brien of Old Field, the father of two boys ages six and seven whose current au pair, Claudia, is from Germany, it was a cost-effective decision. “We had various nannies and just found the quality of child care from them very unreliable,” O’Brien said. “After looking at various options, we finally settled on au pairs. We did the financial analysis, and discovered that while it seemed fairly expensive, it was actually close to the cost of the nannies we’d been hiring, and the benefit of having someone full-time in the house seemed good to us.”

Patricia Inserner of Mount Sinai is a lawyer and mom to three children ages 13, 7 and 15 months. She said the flexibility of the au pair’s hours was appealing to her as was the idea of having someone in the house. “I needed someone who could be there at strange times or odd hours because both my husband and I work,” said Inserner, whose current au pair is from Poland. “Plus, I needed someone who could drive.”

As for having a stranger live in your house, Inserner said that has never been a problem. “It’s not awkward for me,” she said. “I guess it depends on your personality type. I’m open to new experiences, and I like meeting new people and being exposed to new cultures.”

Au pairs are between the ages of 18 and 26 and have practical, hands-on child care experience. They have been professionally screened and selected to provide 45 hours per week of quality child care. Besides babysitting, they drive children to lessons, help with homework, play games, change diapers, prepare meals and run errands.

“And you are expected to treat the au pair as a member of the family,” Inserner said. And Inserner is right. According to the State Department’s website regarding the Exchange Visitor Program, “au pair” is French for “on par,” meaning that, although an employee, the international visitor is to be treated as a member of the family. “If you’re going out to dinner or vacation, you’re expected to take the au pair. You’re expected to look after them. So you really are like a mother/sister/employer.”

Another benefit of hiring an au pair is the chance for your children to learn about another country and its culture, language and people. “We’ve learned a lot about Poland, which was great,” Inserner said. “One of the girls had her parents come stay here for a week. We’re so isolated out here, and it was great to see how our country looks through their eyes. Just to walk into Target is an incredible experience.” O’Brien agreed. “The kids benefit by being exposed to different cultures from all over the world,” he said, whose family has hosted au pairs from Germany, Brazil, Poland and South Africa.

But the girls are not always a good fit with the family to which they are assigned. “For us, it has been hit and miss,” O’Brien said. “We’ve had a number of phenomenal young ladies stay with us. And we’ve had a few who just didn’t get it, and didn’t last very long.” Au pairs currently receive $139 per week in addition to room and board. With the new two-year program in place, they will receive a weekly stipend increase to $165 in the second year.

Au pairs are encouraged to take advantage of educational and cultural benefits of the host community and often participate in volunteer service efforts. “While she’s here, she must take six college credits — generally two courses over the course of the year,” O’Brien said. “We’re responsible for paying up to $500 of her education expenses. She gets two vacation weeks over the course of the year, and one full weekend off each month.”

Inserner said she thinks it’s a good idea to provide the au pair with her own car. “On Long Island your au pair has to have a car because if they don’t, they will feel so isolated and depressed,” she said. “And they kind of stick together. They like to go to Starbucks or Riverhead where there’s a Polish community. But it just works out better if the au pair has her own car to use.”

What is the experience like for the au pair? “My sister Caroline and I came to America to improve our English, meet people, gain experience in life,” said Brazilian Melissa Cuvice, who is with a family in East Northport. “The first three months were the most difficult. We missed our parents, friends, things we left in Brazil, things we used to do there and couldn’t here. We had to speak just in English, think in English and even eat in English!”

Cuvice said that choosing the right host family is the most important step but can be difficult because it is done over the phone. “Choosing a family to live with is the hardest part of the process, but both Caroline and I were lucky to have calls from families on Long Island,” Cuvice said. “We are glad because we have wonderful families. We also have the support of our community counselors, who have clusters of au pairs on Long Island.”

Although choosing the host family is the most important part for the au pairs, it is just one of the steps in a long process which includes a written test, a lengthy interview, references and a medical exam. “When we were accepted into the program, we had to wait for phone calls from American families and then accept one of the families as our host family,” Cuvice said. “After we matched with a family, we applied for our visas, traveled to New York City and then attended orientation in Connecticut before finally arriving in our American host family’s home.”

But, Cuvice said, it was all worth it. “Being an au pair gave us more independence, responsibility and the knowledge of how life is in another culture,” she said. “This is the experience of a lifetime. We are reaching our goals and that is what is important.”

BY KELLY CAMPBELL as appeared in The Village TIMES HERALD, 4/8/04